Dear Dave,

My wife and I have been married for nine months, and we’ve been following your Baby Steps plan for three months. We have about $50,000 in debt, and I recently cashed out an old whole life policy that enabled us to pay off $22,000 of our debt. My wife still feels weird about us doing that, since the money paid off all the student loan debt she accumulated before we got married but none of the debt I brought to the marriage. I look at everything as ours, not mine and hers. What can I do about her sense of guilt and feeling indebted to me?

Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

This isn’t an uncommon thing in situations like yours. But more than feeling indebted to someone or experiencing a sense of guilt or shame, it’s really a discussion about differing views of marriage.

You’re never in debt to your spouse. You should be all in where your husband or wife is concerned. Remember the vows? For richer, for poorer. In sickness and in health. If she makes you chicken soup when you’re sick, does she charge you for it? Of course not. When you get married, you agree to take on each other’s burdens. Once you walk down the aisle with someone, you’re choosing to serve each other. You’re also choosing to take on each other’s debt, each other’s income, each other’s assets and each other’s crazy parents. Everything!

It all boils down to having a shared view of a proper marriage relationship. And the proper (and biblical) view is we own everything. There’s no mine and yours anymore. Now, you can’t make her feel—or not feel—a certain way. But you can ask her questions to understand where she’s coming from and what blockers are keeping her from being totally together in this. Talk about it. Put your heads together and practice thinking about your marriage as a union.

It will take some encouragement from you and some getting used to on her part, but if you work together, it’s a muscle you can grow and develop together!

—Dave

 Dave Ramsey is an eight-time national bestselling author, personal finance expert and host of The Ramsey Show. He has appeared on Good Morning America, CBS This Morning, Today, Fox News, CNN, Fox Business and many more. Since 1992, Dave has helped people take control of their money, build wealth, and enhance their lives. He also serves as CEO of Ramsey Solutions.

Dear Dave,

Our son has been married for about three years, and he and his wife are havingf inancial problems. He wants to live on a budget and save money, while she hates the idea of budgeting, and always wants to buy expensive things. They make enough to get by, but they’re not rich. How should we handle it when he asks us for advice?

Stan

Dear Stan,

If he can’t get her to realize these habits are hurting them and their financial future, and if it’s an issue they’re going to continually butt heads over, it would be smart for them to sit down with a good marriage counselor or pastor. Something like this needs to come from a neutral and objective third-party.

Do you get what I’m saying here? The last thing he needs to do is go back to his wife spouting stuff like, “Well, my parents said…” Remember when you were first married, Stan? You didn’t want your in-laws always hovering around putting in their two-cents worth, either, right?

I know you folks are concerned. It’s only natural, because you love them and care about them. But if your daughter-in-law feels like her in-laws and her husband are ganging up on her, it could do way more harm than good!

—Dave

* Dave Ramsey is an eight-time national bestselling author, personal finance expert and host of The Ramsey Show. He has appeared on Good Morning America, CBS This Morning, Today, Fox News, CNN, Fox Business and many more. Since 1992, Dave has helped people take control of their money, build wealth and enhance their lives. He also serves as CEO for Ramsey Solutions.

Dear Dave,

I’m a single mom, and I opened my own small business last year. The business isn’t growing at all, and my mom and dad are helping me with the bills. On top of all this, I don’t receive any child support payments from my ex-husband. But my biggest concern is our home. I bought it four years ago, and when I opened my business, I did it with a home equity loan. Do you have any advice?

Tammy

Dear Tammy,

You need to close up your business, at least temporarily, and go find some money-making work. I’m sorry to be so blunt, but you’ve got a really big mess on your hands.

Long story short, the money you make at another full-time job is likely to decide whether you can stay in your home. If you’ve got a mortgage, home equity loan and business debts hanging over your head, the chances of this are slim. You probably need to consider the idea moving into a small, affordable apartment for a while, too. If you do this, get your debts paid off and your finances back in order—which includes living on a budget and saving—you might be able to buy a house again in a few years.

I know the idea of giving up your home and business is hurtful, but sometimes when you have a serious illness, extensive surgery is needed to fix the problem. And right now, you’ve got a very serious financial illness.

I want you to understand how I’m looking at this, Tammy. The house alone is not the problem. You borrowed money to open a business, and that was your first mistake. You also have no savings, which is another mistake, and now your business isn’t making a profit. See how all of it combined adds up into one big mess?

I love your spirit, and the fact that you want to be an entrepreneur. But you’ve got to get control of your money first. If you don’t, this thing will eat you alive.

—Dave

 * Dave Ramsey is an eight-time national bestselling author, personal finance expert and host of The Ramsey Show. He has appeared on Good Morning America, CBS This Morning, Today, Fox News, CNN, Fox Business and many more. Since 1992, Dave has helped people take control of their money, build wealth and enhance their lives. He also serves as CEO for Ramsey Solutions.

Dear Dave,

Are home warranties a waste of money if you already have a fully-funded emergency fund containing six months, or even more, of expenses set aside?

Jodie

Dear Jodie,

I don’t do extended warranties, because they’re not a good deal. In my mind, you’re better off to self-insure against damage or things breaking down. That way, you can put what would have been profit and marketing dollars for the extended warranty company in your own pocket. I mean, think about it. If you buy something, but can’t afford to fix it if something goes wrong, it’s not really a smart move to buy it in the first place, is it?

I always recommend an emergency fund of three to six months of expenses to cover the unexpected things that life will throw at you. In most cases, this amount of cash—sitting in a good money market account with check writing privileges—will allow you easy access in the event of unexpected expenses or a financial emergency.

—Dave

 * Dave Ramsey is an eight-time national bestselling author, personal finance expert and host of The Ramsey Show. He has appeared on Good Morning America, CBS This Morning, Today, Fox News, CNN, Fox Business and many more. Since 1992, Dave has helped people take control of their money, build wealth and enhance their lives. He also serves as CEO for Ramsey Solutions.