Dear Dave,

With all the commercials and marketing that accompany the holiday season, how can parents teach their young children about giving and putting others first at this time of year?

Maryn

Dear Maryn,

Christmas is a traditional time to give and help others. But even for adults, it’s easy to get so caught up the glitz that we end up forgetting to teach our kids how to give and why it’s so important. How do we make sure they learn the satisfaction of giving to others at an early age? Here are a few easy ideas.  

Send an extra snack with them to school. Then, at lunch they can give it to a friend. When they get back home, find out who they shared the snack with and talk about what happened. It can be as simple as that. Also, encourage your kids to pass along compliments. Sharing a kind word with a classmate, or even their teacher, will go a long way toward brightening someone’s day any time of year.  

When you’re involved in giving or helping others in any way, take your kids with you. If you’re sponsoring a family through your church, or participating in a charity drive, let your kids be part of the buying and delivery process. When you make giving memories together, they’ll stick with your kids for years to come.

If you really want to make the kids part of the process, you could let them pick a charity to help. If you give them a commission for doing jobs around the house, or if they’re older and have a part-time job, they can start saving a percentage to donate. Another idea might be giving away old toys. Take some time to gather up all the toys they don’t play with and don’t want anymore. Search the closet together, and choose things to take to Goodwill or another charitable organization.

Remember, you’re the adult. That means it’s your job to set an example and create teachable moments. So, this year give your kids nice gifts within your budget. But take time to create situations that allow them to participate in wonderful giving experiences, as well — because giving truly is better than receiving.

Merry Christmas, Maryn!

— Dave

* Dave Ramsey is a seven-time #1 national best-selling author, personal finance expert, and host of The Ramsey Show, heard by more than 18 million listeners each week. He has appeared on Good Morning America, CBS This Morning, Today Show, Fox News, CNN, Fox Business, and many more. Since 1992, Dave has helped people regain control of their money, build wealth and enhance their lives. He also serves as CEO for Ramsey Solutions.

Dear Dave,

My wife and I are trying to help our son and daughter-in-law. They are both 29-years old, and they have been married for three years. They have good jobs, but the problem is they ask for money on a regular basis. Helping them out hasn’t been a strain, because we’re in good shape financially, but we have started encouraging them to live on a monthly budget. They always say they will try, but it never seems to happen. At this point, it feels like we may be enabling them instead of helping. How can we make sure we are doing the best thing?

C.M.

Dear C.M.,

The first thing you and your wife need to do is sit down and have a loving, but serious, talk with these kids. If they’ve asked for money before, and this is something that has turned into a habit, you have every right to know more about their spending and other circumstances.

Don’t be surprised if they act defensive, or maybe even get angry. People are often embarrassed to admit to, or talk about, their mistakes. They may even tell you these things are none of your business. If they do, that’s fine. But they should understand you two won’t be opening your checkbook again if they don’t open up about their financial behavior. This isn’t about mom and dad being controlling or snooping around, it’s about you and your wife making sure you’re not enabling what you consider to be bad behavior going forward.

It always hurts parents to see their kids go through things like this. But if they’re acting irresponsibly with money, they need to suffer the consequences of their actions. Who knows? That, along with your love and guidance, might help put them on the right track to win with money!

— Dave

* Dave Ramsey is a seven-time #1 national best-selling author, personal finance expert, and host of The Ramsey Show, heard by more than 18 million listeners each week. He has appeared on Good Morning America, CBS This Morning, Today Show, Fox News, CNN, Fox Business, and many more. Since 1992, Dave has helped people regain control of their money, build wealth and enhance their lives. He also serves as CEO for Ramsey Solutions.

Dear Dave,

I don’t really see eye-to-eye with my dad and older brother on many things. This is not a new realization on my part, but over the last few years it has led to hard feelings and various arguments at family gatherings about religion, finances and other things. With Christmas coming up, I would like to avoid conflict and try to handle things a little better with them. Do you have any advice?

Cam

Dear Cam,

It takes a strong, level-headed person with a good heart to want to approach a situation like this with maturity and love. I’m proud of you for trying to create better relationships within your family.

My initial advice would be don’t take discussions too deep, and make a conscious effort to stay away from any hot button topics you know already exist. I’m no family counselor, but the chances of you changing a lifetime of differences and toxic behaviors, or bringing them around to your way of thinking, in one brief interaction are probably pretty small.

Don’t tell them you think what they’re doing is wrong or that you feel they’re bad people if things get a little tense. My best advice is to be a model of sanity and reason if you feel a confrontation brewing. Situations like this are hard to deal with, especially when the conflict is between a father and son or two brothers. It’s hard on you and them, plus it has a negative impact on the rest of the family during what is supposed to be a joyful and loving time of year.

These are people you love and care about, even if they are hard to get along with or understand sometimes. Pray for them, Cam. And ask God to give you guidance, patience and understanding in this situation, too.

— Dave

* Dave Ramsey is a seven-time #1 national best-selling author, personal finance expert, and host of The Ramsey Show, heard by more than 18 million listeners each week. He has appeared on Good Morning America, CBS This Morning, Today Show, Fox News, CNN, Fox Business, and many more. Since 1992, Dave has helped people regain control of their money, build wealth and enhance their lives. He also serves as CEO for Ramsey Solutions.